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Sunday, 29 March 2020

Under the Bed - Writing

Kia ora, 

While we are on lockdown, I checked the Home learning site. The task was for writing. We had to pick a prompt to write about. I went through the slide to look through the prompts and there was one prompt that I liked the most. It was called under the bed, and it looked like a fun writing prompt to do. So basically the task was to draw a picture in the readers head. 
Here is my Writing:

The screeching sounds were so painful to Michael’s ears.
He managed to pull himself down to see what was under
his bed. As soon as he had his eyes under the bed, the
noise had stopped. Michael had one more good look under
the bed. He didn’t see anything, it was too dark under there.
He was too afraid to go under his bed. 

He quietly got up back onto his bed. As he did slowly, he heard
a different noise this time. It was like something or someone was
trying to escape from under his bed. It was like a loud banging
noise. This time he was scared and wasn’t even able to look
down under his bed. 

Michael put his covers over him and waited for the noise to stop.
Soon later, it was all quiet again. He came out from his covers and
played with his toys again. While he was playing with his toys, his
truck toy fell onto the ground. 

He picked it up. As he picked up the truck, he saw bright, glowing, big
eyes, under his bed…..

3 comments:

  1. Wow Talia! Thanks for sharing your writing. Now I am really curious to find out what was under Michael's bed. I wonder if next time you could use some more descriptive words for the word looked, maybe something like peeped or peered. This way you are giving the reader more information about how Michael looked and how he was feeling. Looking forward to reading your next piece of writing.

    Miss Satherley

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  2. Hi Talia,

    Like Miss Satherley I really want to know what happened. Your writing hooked me in from the start. How could you make it so the reader has a better picture in their head? Maybe trying using differnt words like Miss Satherley suggested.
    Look forward to reading part two, hopefully their is part two so I can find out what happened.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Talia.
    I agree with Miss Satherley and Mr Norman - I want more!
    Great start though. Some more adjectives would flesh your story out a bit.
    Mrs Bowman

    ReplyDelete

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